Steven Wright

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Steven Wright: Jokes attributed to Wright

• "I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out."
• "When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?"
• "What's another word for thesaurus?"
• "I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
• "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
• "I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night."
• "I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
• "If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses."
• "I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now."
• "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
• "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work."
• "Why is it, 'A penny for your thoughts,' but, you have to 'put your two cents in?' Somebody's making a penny."
• "I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there."
• "I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, 'Hey, maybe I wrote that.'"
• "I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
• "I once locked my keys out of my car. I had break out of my car with a coat hanger."
• "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."
• "We had a quicksand box in our backyard. I was an only child, eventually."
• "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
• "Why's the alphabet in that order? Oh, it's the song."
• "I tried sniffing Coke once, but ice cubes went up my nose."

 

• Reservoir Dogs, (1992) (voice only) as "K-Billy DJ"
• So I Married an Axe Murderer, (1993) as "Pilot"
• Natural Born Killers, (1994) as "Dr. Emil Reingold"
• Canadian Bacon, (1995) as Canadian Mounted Police Officer
• Half Baked (1998) as "The Guy on the Couch" (uncredited)
• Coffee and Cigarettes (2003) as "Steven"

 
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Table of Content

Jokes attributed to Wright External links Selective Filmography Steven Wright fan mail

Latest news on Steven Wright Web sites about Steven Wright  French |  German |  Italian

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