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Adam Carolla Filmography
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Adam Carolla: Quotes
"At 13 you whack off 19 times a day anyway. Imagine being on viagra and like a liter of Mountain Dew, and home alone with the VCR on a snow day from school. His mom would come home from work and open the front door and a big avalanche of semen would come out and wash her down the street."
"Cone opens! Cone opens!!"
"For those of you who don't know what Chuck E. Cheeze's is, it's a place where pedophiles can eat pizza, wash down some grape soda, and then jump into a gigantic pile of superballs with a bunch of six-year-olds."
"The greatest part about Playboy is the playmates' turn-ons and turn-offs. The turn-offs are always stuff like 'mean guys,' or maybe 'smokers.' But the turn-ons are always vague. They don't come right out and say 'nine-inch penis,' 'Bentley,' and 'owns a hotel or two.' Instead, they say stuff like 'good sense of humor' or 'likes music and walks on the beach.' Meanwhile, some guy who works on a loading dock thinks, 'I like the beach, I'm funny, and I love that music! We were made for each other!' Then he renews his subscription."
"Nah, there's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian." (Details magazine, October 1997, p. 78)
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